ONLINE DATING APPS/WEBSITES GENERAL FAQ'S
Q: Can I use my Linkedin headshot or modeling photo?
A: No, I highly urge against that. Typically headshots are overly photoshopped, are stiff and do not offer any insight into who you are or what you are about. Leave the headshots for professional situations not online dating. Same for modeling photos - viewers will think your photos are airbrushed and that you are trying to hard and won't appear as such in person.
Q: Are photos with sunglasses on ok in photos?
A: No, but if if you limit such photos to 1 only, ensure they are location appropriate i.e. beach, hiking trail etc., AND you have at least 3-4 other non-sunglass photos then you can let that slide.
Q: Are group photos ok to use?
A: Yes, but again only if you limit these types of photos and you label who you are (no one likes playing guessing games). Make sure others in the photos do not make you look short (especially for men) or make you look less attractive (men and women). Also be sure to crop excess space and people. It's ok to show about a 1/3 of the person (people) next to you (enough to show you have friends and enough to dismiss any doubt the person next to you is an ex).
Q: What are the absolute worst types of photos to use in an online dating site or app?
A: Photos with exes or people who could be mistaken as an ex, selfies unless in an epic situation i.e. celebrity or travels (not your gym, car or bathroom), dark photos, extremely small photos, blurry photos, photos more than 2-3 years old, photos where you have changed your appearance (weight loss or gain, hair color or length, facial hair, tattoos etc.), photos with fish you caught, photos in front of your car, photos without you in them (i.e. sunset photo, street sign, meme etc.), Snapchat photos and photos of you from your neck down.
Q: How many photos should I use in my online dating profile?
A: Definitely at least 3-4 photos but no more than 6. Typically, the more photos you post the more harshly you will be judged i.e. you are only as good looking as your worst photo.
Q: What kind of photos should I aim to use for online dating?
A: Use photos that illustrate passions and hobbies, highlight some activity that can be easily be shared with a date, photos of you smiling, photos that are not overly photo-shopped i.e. portraits, modeling photos and headshots. Photos that invite questions, comments and intrigue are best (travels to international spots, local small towns and iconic destinations work well). Also, photos that show a variety of looks are recommended (up close, full body, different types of attire i.e. casual, after-work, formal etc.). Avoid photos with people who can be mistaken for exes, no snapchat photos, no neck down shots, nor car selfies, nor gym selfies, nor photos without you in them.
Q: I feel and/or look younger than my age - is it ok to shave off a few years from my actual age?
A: Absolutely not. Being truthful is important in online dating. If you lie about age right off the bat, what else might you be lying about? If you are having trouble attracting someone younger or closer to your age, perhaps you should refine your age preferences or use another app where you are not bombarded.
Q: What are some podcasts, books and other resources I should check out?
A: Read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari; listen to Maureen O'Connor (New York Magazine's Sex Lives); and read up on some tips on my Medium page and Good Men Project author page. Also do check out PhotoFeeler. They are a free crowd-sourced photo review platform with some solid advice on online profiles.
Q: When is the best time to go online? How often should I be swiping?
A: Typically around 8pm and 11pm during the week (Monday-Thursday). Although addictive, you should limit logging on to about 2-3 times a week. Avoid logging on between Friday evenings and Sunday afternoons - take some time off to enjoy your weekend. There is a significant increase in activity in the new year so be sure to hurry up and catch the rush of users in January!
Q: What words and phrases should never be used in online dating profiles?
A: Drama-free, no drama, no players, or list of adjectives to describe yourself i.e. I am sexy, fit, smart, funny, outgoing etc. Instead of listing deal-breakers, focus on things that you are attracted to, inspire you, make you curious, make you hungry etc. Guilty pleasures, random quirks and self-deprecating humor works well.
Q: Should I look away and not smile in my photos?
A: No, most of those statistics reference Tinder data (younger, more immature users). While those photos might solicit likes, matches and messages, they don't necessarily result in quality dates. Be yourself, be candid. Smile naturally, don't force it. Look at the camera, look interested. Looking away in your photos will give off the impression you might be self-absorbed, are trying to hide some facial feature or are unable to concentrate and look at a camera. Read this article for additional insight: https://blog.photofeeler.com/okcupid-is-wrong-about-smiling-eye-contact-mens-dating-profile-photos/
Q: Is there such a thing as being overly eager and aggressive?
A: Yes, absolutely. You should express excitement and enthusiasm but you should also avoid appearing overly eager slash stalker-ish or controlling. Be direct, be timely and be transparent. Do not reply to the first message in a string immediately ever time the other person initiates contact but also do not purposely make the person wait.
Q: Is there such a thing as over-swiping?
A: Yes, there is. First off, it is bad etiquette to swipe right on someone you are not interested in, secondly if you do it too often the dating apps could ding you which could affect your matches. If you are on the fence, that is fine but if you are swiping right on everyone with a pulse, re-think your strategy. Also, do not super-like, super-swipe super anything.
Q: What is hatfishing?
A: It is when a guy purposefully wears hats in his online dating photos and/or dates to conceal baldness. Guys should embrace their new look or research hair growth alternatives because 1) women do not want to play a guessing game (too many other men out there to swipe right on; 2) could be a sign for lack of confidence; 3) could be hiding other things in his life.
Q: What are the demographics for each online dating site and app?
Q: Do you recommend I use photos of me with my kids?
A: No, I don't. Kids are an inseparable part of your life but there is a time and place for that. Your profile should focus on you first and foremost crop the people around you, especially the kids. .
Q: How long does it take to get matches, receive messages and ask a person out after matching?
A: It can take weeks if not months to find quality matches through dating sites and apps. Be sure you are using the most appropriate ones based on your age and location to maximize results. As for messaging, it can take 0-3 days for most people to respond to messages. People should not be glued to apps daily (take breaks on weekends). As such, if someone does not respond to your message, move on to the next person. Do not send follow-up messages. Typically a date should be requested within 3-4 days, 5-7 days max after initial pairing.
Q: What are the best apps and dating sites to use and how many should I use at once?
A: Bumble is by default my top choice but if you are under 27, Tinder might be good. If you are super educated and work for a big company and want the same try The League. If you are in your 40s+ try Match.com. If you are Jewish and want the same, try J-Date. CoffeeMeetsBagel is good if you are patient with being match with daily bagels and OkCupid is worth a try if you want to review profiles vs mass voraciously. Use no more than 2 or 3 at a time.
Q:What else is important to be successful with online dating apps and sites?
A: You need to learn to craft a good bio (no bad grammar) and you need to learn to engage in good conversation online and offline: Plenty of Fish Survey on Sought After Traits. If you cannot respond to a message right away, do not open the app. Be prompt in your replies to signify interest and be thorough and efficient in your messaging.
For feedback on your current photos, check outPhotofeeler. Contact me with how I can help you with your online dating profile.