Why Hi, Hey, What's Up Will Get You Nowhere On Online Dating Apps - First Message Ideas for Bumble and Tinder

In the age of online dating where profiles can be made in a matter of seconds with your info from Facebook and people swipe right based on a single image viewed for a matter of seconds, online dating has led to uncanny amount of one word opening lines… Hi, Hey, Hello or if you are lucky two words — What’s up, Hello there etc. No other words in online dating are anti-climatic than these right here.

Men have been notorious for this behavior for years and with the rise of Bumble (the anti-Tinder) women have fallen into the same habits that have been condemned for years. My general rule of thumb is that online dating apps are merely a means of introduction and are still governed by the same old rules chivalry and common decency as offline approaches. This goes true for opening lines. If you are a man who says hi to a cute girl at the grocery store and says nothing more, that would be awkward. Same goes for online dating sites and apps. So why would you open up a conversation with so few, effortless words?

I am not advocating that people pour out their life story, exude every emotion out there or even try to use a suave pick up line but what I am advocating is to put some more thought and effort into your opening lines especially on Tinder and Bumble where people are trained to limit their photos, bios etc. Additionally apps like Bumble exacerbate the issue even more with a 24 hour window for women to messages men forcing them to type something, ANYTHING, before the time winds down — like Cinderella’s countdown to midnight but far less romantic.

When in doubt, ask about a photo, mention something in the bio or even the Step Brothers classic "Hi, I never asked you, do you like guacamole?" is better than hi, what’s up or hey. If people do not write enough on their bio, move along. Take this as a possible red flag for a bot, spammer or someone who does not put enough time and effort into their profile. Just because apps nudge people to make moves more quickly than they are typically comfortable with does not provide an excuse to such lame, short opening messages. There is plenty of competition out there and if you don’t come up with something more thoughtful, creative or charming to say, someone else will. 

For help with dating app questions (i.e. how to select photos, which apps to use, when/how to messages matches etc.) check out my Frequently Asked Questions page or contact me directly here ​for a complimentary consultation. ​